I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
