just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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