she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
