Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
