Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You're like the curious george of whores
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
