I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
