Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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