so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We left an ass print on the piano.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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