Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
