I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
