I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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