see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
