they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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