Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
