I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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