For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
