Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
