We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
