You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
