I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
