Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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