he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
