so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
