remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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