remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
