Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
