I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Pants are for mortals
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
