My friends, they love my intelligence
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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