they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
