last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
