Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
