JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
