i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
