new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Less talking, more tequila
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
