Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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