yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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