It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
