a queef is a wish your heart makes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
