u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
