I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is Oprah even human
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
