Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
