I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
