Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
