I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
