Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
