"it" just moved
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
