Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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