i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
