You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
