he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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