So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
