ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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